Always present, a highly motivated individual, always wanting to make the best of time, living instead of just “existing”, and fearless (well, for most of the things). This was the person I was just before the pandemic happened. I still remember, it was 17th March, 2020 and I had a Physics Pre-board Exam the next day. Although, I knew nothing, as Physics (not Astro) and I have never been friends but there was still a spark, a spark to wake up and making the day delightful for myself and the people around me. I never really had many friends in my school, even if I did; I never really shared any real connection but when I went to college, (as it was an all boys college) I had so much fun and I wouldn’t hesitate to say that those were the best times of my life, 11th and 12th grade. So, I woke up and found out that there isn’t going to be any exam today due to a global pandemic. At first, I felt happy that I have somehow escaped Physics, but little did I knew what was about to happen.
Day after day, cases after cases, death after death, it felt like a war; a war for which we weren’t prepared. Things seemed to go out of hands. The conditions got worse and worse, day after day. There was panic all around the world. I had never seen so much death, it’s not like it wasn’t happening, it was but it was never this frequent and close. It hurts to see people, people that really mean to you, getting sick, suffer and then one day, when you are just thinking and praying for their health, the news of them passing away hits you like a hurricane. You feel like your life is falling apart, and you come to a realization that this world was never permanent but it always felt like it was. We humans don’t really ponder on how short and delicate our life is, WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL! This was one of the realizations and the very first fear I developed in the pandemic. I couldn’t sleep at night or even if I did, it was just like I couldn’t breathe or my heart would stop beating at any instant. I desperately wanted to get out of this situation, and like I said, I had a lot of friends after school. I shared this with my best friend, who lives in Lahore now, and is the most caring and a beautiful human being. We talked on calls, texted but it was nowhere close to the connection we had face to face. It helped knowing that I have a friend who understands and tells me what to do when I have no clarity, when I’m overwhelmed by my emotions. We have a real good connection still, it’s like we can share everything with each other without being judgmental. I have accepted the fact that everyone has to die one day, we are travelers, and I have let go of my fear of death, instead, I’ll work for it so when I reach it, I feel somewhat prepared. As Muslims, we should be happy to meet our Creator because the true results of whatever we have been doing in this world will be presented forth us only when we will meet him.
As everything shifted online, we kept shut in our houses, there came a time when situations started to get a little better. We started going out, having little interactions, masking our faces and it was at this moment when I realized that I have developed severe social anxiety and this was the second fear I developed during the pandemic. I knew the cure to all of these as I have been through this in my school, I knew how to cope with it, how to be the person I was in my college. I desperately needed a hobby that could get me out of this pattern of dwelling on the negative. I started reading books, making videos, praying more often, working on both my goals i.e. for this world and the hereafter. This gave me so much peace that it’s unexplainable. Started talking to every stranger I could possibly reach, and it really evolved me as a person. I no longer had my social anxiety and I became a really good speaker. I changed my perception about anxieties and depression which also helped me develop a lot of empathy for the people who suffer from these problems. If anyone of you reading this, fears being low, being wrong, having anxiety, I’d like to tell you guys that the only way to fight them is to face them head on, face every fear; when you are crumbled with the anxieties, that is the time when you go all in and do it despite all the fears. That's how you cope with them. Don't let them shut you. Consider it as an opportunity to get stronger, smarter and clearer. So, whenever you get hit with anxieties, tell yourself that this is where your evolution starts, evolve as a person, set goals, this world needs you more than you can think, be the light in someone’s life. Consider yourself worthy enough to do this because you are worthy. There are no second thoughts on that. You were born worthy and no matter how many bad days you have been through, they don’t define your worth. Just like a 1000 rupees note doesn’t lose its worth after being folded, stepped upon, crumbled, or even torn, you can still tape it and it would still be worth 1000 rupees. All of us want to change, for better, but it takes time so we have to be patient. Whatever it is that you are going through in this pandemic, know that Allah is watching, and stay hopeful for better times because they are to come very soon Insha’Allah. May Allah bless us all and keep us and our beloved ones safe. Ameen!
Yours Sincerely
Ahmed Sajid
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Aero 19-B